Afternoon Tea With Lee
by PenPatronus
Summary: During the resistance against Voldemort, Lee Jordan earned an audience as the host of "Potterwatch." Now, after the war, he has his own show on the WWN where he's interviewing the most famous witches and wizards of the time. 1: Harry 2: Hermione 3: Ron
1. Harry Potter

**Summary:** During the resistance against Voldemort, Lee Jordan earned an audience as the host of "Potterwatch." Now, after the war, he has his own show on the WWN: "Afternoon Tea With Lee," where he's interviewing the most famous witches and wizards of the time.

**Afternoon Tea With Lee**

PenPatronus

Chapter One / Episode #20:

**Harry Potter**

At 3pm on a Friday, Lee Jordan raised his wand to his lips and winked at the man sitting across from him. "Welcome, listeners, to the one-month anniversary of the Wizarding Wireless Network's "Afternoon Tea With Lee." This is your host, Lee Jordan, coming to you live from our sponsors, Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. Today we have a _very_ special guest! Witches and Wizards, I present Mr. Harry James Potter, The Boy Who Lived…Twice. Great to have you here, Mr. Potter."

"Lee, if you ever call me Mr. Potter again I'll stick one of George's decoy detonators up your…Am I allowed to say arse on the wireless?" Lee chuckled and mouthed the word "nope!" "Oops, sorry. Hey…that doesn't look like tea," Harry Potter said, using his glass of pumpkin juice to point.

"Half a shot of Firewhisky per three ounces of butterbeer, mate, on the rocks! Who said you have to drink tea on your afternoon break?"

"As a loyal listener, Lee, I feel misled. Clearly you should change the title of your program."

Lee chuckled. "Afternoon _Firewhisky_ With Lee? Yeah, my mum would love that!"

Harry smiled and shrugged. "Still kind of rhymes!"

"Down to business, Harry," Lee scolded, looking at the parchment in his lap. "So many questions, so little time. Where would you like to start? Past, present or future? Owls have been dropping off letters here for weeks so if you want we could start with the fan mail?"

Harry took a long gulp of pumpkin juice and cocked an eyebrow at Lee over the rim of the glass. "Oh, I don't care, unless you put Veritaserum in my juice. Do your worst."

Lee brought his wand closer to his lips. "You heard him, listeners! Harry Potter has lowered his wand. Let's see what we have here…" Lee pretended to scour the parchment for a moment. "Aha! Let's start out easy. I have a Morgan from London here who wants to know, as we all do, if you wear boxers or briefs?"

Harry choked on his pumpkin juice and a laughing Lee reached across the table to thump him on the back. "Blimey," Harry sputtered, his cheeks red not only from coughing, "you call that starting easy?"

"We can dive right into the Horcrux quest, if you like? I could just owl Ginny Weasley for the answer."

Harry's blush deepened. "You leave her out of this, you brute," he mock threatened as the rest of his coughs subsided. "Boxers. The ones I'm wearing today have golden Snitches on them, if you must know."

"That can only help my ratings, mate. We already answered this next question from Lisa in Winchester. How long have you and Ginny Weasley been together now?"

Harry blushed for a different reason this time, and looked down at his feet. "How long since the Battle of Hogwarts?"

Lee glanced at his watch. "Oh about three glorious months."

"Well, I think if Ginny were here she would say that we were officially together again the day after—after that. We dated during my sixth year at school but then I—well, we had to separate while I was, you know…"

"Fancy couple you make, if I may say so myself. Wish all the best for you two, Harry, you both deserve some happiness after all this!"

"Thanks, Lee. Ginny's great, she's really…really great." Harry smiled and relaxed back into his seat with a contented sigh.

"And what are you guys up to? What are your plans now that the war is over?"

"Well, since the Battle of Hogwarts I've been helping Minister Kingsley and the Wizengamot with the Death Eater and Snatcher trials. A bunch of us have been called onto the stand as witnesses. The other day we got Stan Shunpike out of Azkaban, finally." Harry took a long sip of juice and crossed his legs. "And in September I'm going back to Hogwarts. "

"Really?" Lee asked. "Willingly? On purpose? By choice? Harry, mate, you survived Voldemort, you have a great girlfriend, there's no reason to commit suicide!"

Harry laughed. "That's exactly what Ron said, but now Hermione has convinced him to come back too!"

"And I'm sure this has nothing to do with the fact that Ginny will be at Hogwarts for her last year as well?"

The blush returned. "I'm going back, _Lee_, because I still have a lot to learn and I'll kind of need N.E.W.T.s to get a job!"

Lee shrugged. "George Weasley didn't need them!"

"True." Harry brought his wand closer. "And by the way, listeners, some of the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes products were pretty handy on the Horcrux quest. Shop there for Christmas!"

"Shameless, Harry. I hear you also have a godson to take care of now, too, don't you?"

"Yeah, Teddy Lupin. He's living with his grandmother but I visit him everyday. He's such a cutie—especially when he changes his hair color to match mine. Good kid."

"Now onto a question from an old classmate of ours!" Lee exclaimed, reading the parchment. "Do you remember Ernie Macmillan? Was in Dumbledore's Army with us, wasn't he? Yeah, Ernie wants to know if you have any heroes? Anyone you admire?"

"Know him? The bloke has a hell of a Patronus—saved my life once, Ron and Hermione's too during the Battle of Hogwarts. Hello to you, Ernie, if you're listening. Do I have any heroes?" Harry cocked his head to the side for a moment, and his eyes took on a faraway glaze. Lee waited patiently, as did the rest of the Wizarding world. "Well, many," Harry said finally.

"Name a few," Lee encouraged.

"Well, there's my mum and dad," Harry said as he shifted in his chair. "James and Lily Potter. They, uh, died trying to protect me when I was a baby, but I guess you all know that…Then there's my godfather, Sirius, and Albus Dumbledore." Harry sat up straighter and began to talk in earnest. "And Ron and Hermione—that is Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, they're my best friends and they're amazing people, they really are…" He grinned feebly at Lee, unsure of what to say.

Lee gestured towards the wands, "Why are they so amazing, Harry?"

"Well, uh," Harry's hands flailed as he desperately searched for the words. "I dunno… Hermione…she's really _really_ smart, like, you don't even know. And she has a moral compass that is just—" Harry made an awkward chopping motion with his hand, "just _right_ on. And Ron…his bravery and—and _sacrifice_—and his loyalty and humor…

"I can't put it into the right words but…I couldn't of done—done what I did if it weren't for them. People give me so much credit for Voldemort's downfall but the real truth is that if it weren't for Ron and Hermione I wouldn't be here so, so I guess neither would, you know, the world as—as we know it."

Lee smiled. He opened his mouth and got out the first syllable of his next word when suddenly Harry interrupted.

"Oh! I forgot, sorry, I forgot—is it ok if I, if I mention one last person?"

Lee waved his hand, palm up, inviting Harry to continue. Harry leaned forward on the table and rested his chin in his hands, nearly muffling his voice.

"My biggest hero is Severus Snape. He was…such a _git_ when we were in school, do you remember?" Harry chuckled and Lee rolled his eyes and nodded in agreement. "He was always giving us Gryffindors a hard time and nitpicking our potions…But if there's one thing I understand now it's how irrelevant all of that was in the big picture. He…no one, _no one_ worked harder to take down Voldemort than Severus Snape."

Lee cocked an eyebrow, and the audience could surely hear it in his voice. "Really? I mean, I've heard the rumors but what about Dumbledore, and you?"

Harry shook his head determinedly. "No one. The—the sacrifices he made…the lengths he went to protect me, and the students at Hogwarts while he was headmaster…the personal risks he took…the skills he had are just _incredible_ to comprehend. If it weren't for his prowess at Occlumency…Well. Severus Snape was a very powerful wizard who didn't have a single bloody thing to gain from resisting Voldemort but still he undermined him. I can't imagine myself being able to do all of the things that he did…I can barely comprehend _anyone_ being able to do it. I guess that's why Severus Snape's my hero." Harry took an audible deep breath.

Lee nodded solemnly and leaned forward onto his hands as well, mimicking Harry's posture. "I've heard some people say that they thought you'd gone mental when you revealed that Snape and Dumbledore had planned his death. But as I understand it we'll all be finding out the details soon, won't we? Rumor has it that you gave Hermione Granger permission to write a book?"

"My permission? Well that sounds bad but yeah, well, you know me I hate doing interviews but I understand how important it is for everyone to know—to know what's happened in the past few years…"

"I had to bribe him to do this interview, listeners," Lee said, looking at his wand as if he could see through it and into his audience's eyes. "Managed to get my hands on a few Veelas…"

"No, no, no" Harry laughed. "You're a friend, this is a favor, and I knew you wouldn't make this difficult!"

"Hermione has agreed to come onto the show in a few weeks but can you give us a sneak preview, Harry? What is this book about?"

"Well…" Harry ran his hands through his black hair and frowned. "All of our—that is, Ron, Hermione and I—our ideas are just works-in-progress right now, really. Actually, Hermione suggested this project first as nothing more than a therapeutic technique!" Harry let out a short crack of a laugh and rolled his eyes at the image he had of Hermione in his mind. "At this point it's part biography—that is, Hermione telling people what I've told her about my life, uh, a bit—and about the lives of people involved in mine: Dumbledore, Ginny, Hermione, Ron, Neville Longbottom, Rubeus Hagrid, Dobby…but it's mostly about everything that has happened since, well, actually since Voldemort was a child if you want the whole story! Only a few of us left know the details, see, and Hermione says the Wizarding World is really curious, that they have the right to know…"

"Aha! I've heard rumors that Voldemort's childhood wasn't too different from yours, Harry! Bit ironic, eh?"

"Yeah…" Harry shifted a little uncomfortably. "And I don't really understand why people are so interested in me but I guess I would be if it, uh, if it wasn't me—I practically interrogated Neville about what he did with Dumbledore's Army while I was gone—Ha, it's crazy, Neville, Ron and Hermione have been approached by journalists wanting to buy their life stories! Mental!"

Lee shook his head and raised a fist. "After all the mud Rita Skeeter has slung about you since you were 14 I don't blame you for wanting to set the story straight yourself! I think this book is a great idea."

Harry nodded in agreement. He looked relieved to find that Lee understood. "Hermione says that this generation has to learn about this history so that…something about not repeating mistakes." Harry adopted an apologetic expression. "I'm sure Hermione will explain it all better."

"Great Harry, thanks, looking forward to that! Let's switch to cheerier subjects for a spell, shall we?" Lee propped his legs up on the table and looked down at his parchment again. "Here, I'll just ask these in quick succession and you can just answer likewise, all right? Good. Favorite color?"

"Green."

"Favorite Quidditch team?"

"The Cannons."

"Favorite subject in school?

"Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"And your favorite professor?"

"Oh it was great when Remus Lupin taught DADA, it really was."

"Least favorite?"

"Well…I'm not too fond of the few who tried to kill me…"

"Who would you say knows you the best?"

"Oh. Well, Hermione I guess. Ginny, too, but Hermione has known me the best the longest."

"Happiest moment of your life?"

Harry's grinned stretched so far that it nearly slid off his face. "In retrospect, definitely the moment that Hagrid told me I was a wizard. Oh, and it was pretty great when he gave my cousin Dudley a pig's tail."

"He did _what_?" Lee managed to speak through waves of laughter. He wiped a tear away. "Well I hope we hear about _that_ in the book! Harry, we're out of time, mate, but I hope you're up for one last question? That is, the last question before you come back on the show?"

"Of course, Lee."

Lee seemed to steel himself, and when he asked the final question he did so with slightly less composure in his voice. "No one was immune to losing loved ones during the war…Is there anyone specific you really miss? Anyone you wish you could spend time with again if you had the chance?"

Harry immediately opened his mouth, but closed it just as fast. It seemed as if he wanted very badly to tell Lee and the audience something, but against his better judgment he couldn't. He thought for a long moment, and though the program had gone overtime a few minutes the WWN wasn't about to interrupt.

"I'd say Sirius—Sirius Black, my godfather, and I miss Albus Dumbledore a lot—but really I—I really _really_ miss Fred. Uh, Fred Weasley? He was killed in the Battle of Hogwarts," Harry explained for the audience's sake. "He brought—he and his twin, George, too—brought more joy and laughter into this world than—than Voldemort and the Death Eaters could ever, _ever_ take from it…"

Lee swallowed several times, and decided that he couldn't have put it any better than that.

"Thanks, Harry, thanks for your time. And thanks for yours, listeners!" Though no one could see them, Lee and Harry shook hands and smiled at each other, a smile for Fred.

"Have a great evening, folks! Until Monday at three this is "Afternoon Tea With Lee!"

**Mischief Managed **

(but will be continued)


	2. Hermione Granger

**Afternoon Tea With Lee**

PenPatronus

Chapter Two / Episode #33:

_Hermione Granger_

The moment Hermione Granger walked into Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes she was swept up into a bone-crushing hug. "_George_!" she giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck as he swung her through the air. Her feet knocked over a stand of umbrellas and water splashed across the floor.

"Where's that git boyfriend of yours?" George asked, glancing out the door at a busy Diagon Alley. "I was going to put him to work!"

"Oh he, Harry and Ginny were playing Exploding Snap when I left, but they say hi. Are you coming to dinner at the Burrow on Sunday? I heard Charlie will be home and Percy's bringing a _friend_—but he won't tell us who!"

"I met her, they were in the shop on Tuesday," George said with a knowing smile. "Name's Adrian or Andrea or Abby or…something."

Hermione reached up and ran the pad of her thumb across a thin layer of red beard on George's cheeks and chin. "I like it. Looks good."

George shrugged and smoothed down his hair, which was starting to get as long as Bill's. "Well, you know, wanted a change…the mirror's a bit too much of a reminder some days…Plus it covers my lack of an ear."

It was Hermione's turn to smile knowingly. She stood on her tiptoes and gave George a quick kiss on the cheek. "Well," she exhaled, changing the subject before it took them down a path inappropriate for a joke shop. "Which way to Lee's office? Upstairs or down?"

George led the way through the throng of excited customers to a wrought iron spiral staircase in the back corner of the shop. "Oi, big shot!" he hollered towards a trapdoor in the ceiling.

A moment later the door swung upwards and a head peeked through the hole. "I'm the big shot? You make more money in an hour than I do in a week!"

"And don't you forget it," George smirked at Lee. "Hermione, feel free to come down and do some shopping on me if he bores you."

Hermione gathered her magenta robes and held onto George's offered hand as she climbed the staircase. The floor above the shop was about twice the size of the floor below, with a winding, peach-colored hallway of green-grey carpet. On Hermione's left was a bathroom between two bedrooms (one door open and the other closed), and on her right was George's office, small kitchen with an alcove for laundry, and a spare room which had been converted into Lee's office/ studio.

"He hasn't brought himself to clean it out yet," Lee said in a low voice, pointing at the locked bedroom. A wand had carved a giant "F" into the oak.

"How's he doing?" Hermione whispered, afraid that George would overhear them even from the noisy shop below. "He looks…" She struggled to find the words. "Since Fred died his eyes just look…different."

Lee shrugged. "He has good days and bad, far as I can tell…he doesn't talk about it much, and when he does there's usually Firewhisky in his system."

Hermione nodded thoughtfully, waited a respectful beat and then asked, "And you?"

Lee's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and then back down into a frown as he considered the question. "I'll let you know when I get over being…angry," he said after a long moment.

Hermione nodded and crossed her arms at her stomach. "Ron's in that phase, too…I'm really lucky I didn't lose any family in the war."

"Yeah George told me about your parents! Wow! How—"

Hermione waved a forefinger. "Save it for the interview or I won't have anything to talk about."

"Oh I'm sure we'll have plenty to talk about, don't you worry," Lee chuckled. He glanced down at a wristwatch. "Come on in, we have about sixty seconds."

Lee's office was bright full of sunlight. A small table sat with two chairs beside a window overlooking Diagon Alley, while the other side of the room held desks and cabinets overflowing with parchment. Owls flew by the window and someone waved from an office window across the street. In the middle of the table was a contraption that looked like it used to be a flower vase. Hermione realized it was the wizard equivalent of a microphone stand with lengths of wire that wiggled out to hold a wand steady. Lee shut the door behind them and cast a few spells around the room before joining Hermione at the table where he poured them both some water.

"Thirty seconds. Can I see your wand?" Hermione handed her new one over and Lee drew his own along the length of it, muttering spells and passwords as he went. "Ok, we're all set!"

"I've never done this before so go easy on me!" Hermione begged as she raised her wand to her lips like a Muggle microphone. "I heard Harry's interview! No questions about my knickers!"

Lee struggled to stifle a laugh as he counted down the final seconds, and dove into his introduction. Elsewhere, wands were waved at wooden wirelesses, knobs were twiddled, and wizards and witches all over the world listened to Hermione talk about the book she was writing. "It really just started out as journal entries. I was writing in my diary and it occurred to me that people have a right to know what happened—they have a right to know what led to Harry destroying Voldemort."

"Is it your opinion that the current media is still lying?"

"Well, no, not anymore," she said. "But everything's so confused. There are all these mental rumors out there, pictures of Harry and Ron and I that couldn't possibly be real, and even people who were eye witnesses to the events can't agree on what actually happened…I want to set the record straight."

"Yeah is it true that you…" Lee took a crumpled piece of parchment out of his pocket and examined it. "Is it true that you three—what is it they're calling you now? The Golden Trio? Is it true that you were the last to see Grindelwald alive? Did Harry really kill him when he found out about the relationship Grindelwald had with Albus Dumbledore?"

Hermione bristled. "_No_! Absolutely not, _see_! This is the problem! This is why we're working on this book—the story is going through a Muggle game of Telephone and it's getting twisted more and more every day! Voldemort killed Grindelwald—I never met the guy, Harry never did, he just, well, he _saw_ Voldemort kill him. Technically Harry Potter has never taken a life, not even Voldemort's whose own spell was just reflected back into him. I was there, so were you. Harry didn't even use the Killing Curse."

"But I don't get it, Hermione, why is it that right when Voldemort got control of the Ministry, right when he was poised to crush the rebellion and destroy the Muggle-Borns did he go after Grindelwald?"

Hermione smiled tiredly. "It's a long story. Too long for a wireless program. But I assure you all that you'll understand after you read the book," she said into her wand. "But please believe me when I say that that particular rumor is not true."

"Fair enough, Hermione, we trust you. Now, I hear you're back in school next month? Yeah? Really, Hermione, we all know you're one of the smartest witches alive. Do you really need another year at Hogwarts?"

"Mmm," Hermione grunted, her cheeks full of water she had yet to swallow. "I've never been so happy to go there! One thing the quest for the Horcruxes taught me is how much I _don't_ know! Plus…" Hermione blushed a bit. "There's so much limelight aimed and me right now that I—I'd rather avoid it as much as possible."

Lee cocked an eyebrow. "Hermione I doubt you'll be able to avoid it at Hogwarts—might even be worse. And when are you going to find time to work on the book with studying and that boyfriend of yours and all?"

"Well the boyfriend will be the first to go," Hermione laughed. "Just kidding, Ron," she said with her wand as close to her lips as possible.

"And what's the story behind you two?" Lee asked as he leaned back in his chair and smirked at her. "Ron told me his side but I'm more likely to believe yours. When did you two first hook up?"

It was Hermione's turn to cock an eyebrow. "Hook _up_?"

Lee held his palms up in defense. "Sorry, sorry, wrong wording. When did you and Ron first get together?"

"Well…I think we both had feelings for each other for a long time…"

"Weeks? Months?"

"More like years, actually." Hermione's cheeks turned crimson. "We've been together now for, uh, four months now but we've known each other since we were eleven. He's, you know, Ron's…ok."

"Oh, don't tease us, Hermione. Viewers, this girl is glowing brighter than a Portkey. You're in love!"

Hermione didn't deny it.

"Hermione and Ro-on sitting in a tree, k-i-s—"

"Oh shut it, Lee, you're as bad as his brothers."

"Why thank you!" Lee said proudly. "I consider that a compliment!"

"Yeah, _you_ would…"

"By the way, Hermione, who are you wearing today?"

"Huh?" Hermione looked down at herself and then back up at Lee. "What do you mean _who_?"

"I mean who designed your robes," Lee laughed. "See, famous people tend to wear famous names, and then announce those names when they're on the air to advertise for the designer…Gilderoy Lockhart starts each day by describing his wardrobe to his bathroom mirror."

Hermione blinked. "Am I famous?"

"Ok, let's change the subject," Lee chuckled, looking down at his parchment again. "Oi, I nearly forgot, your parents! It's been coming out, all of the lengths people went to protect their families during the war, and you, and Ron!—were no different. I've seen that ridiculous ghoul at the Weasley's—only proves how bloody intelligent the Death Eaters were, that's for sure."

They shared a laugh, and knew that everyone at the Burrow was laughing with them.

"What I've heard is that you modified your mum and dad's memories and sent them to Australia. What happened next?"

"Yeah, well, my parents are Muggles so I knew they couldn't exactly defend themselves once the Death Eaters found out about them…And there was no way I wasn't going with Harry so I couldn't be around to take care of them…I found out later that the Death Eaters did raid my house, you know."

"Did they?" Lee asked, appalled. "Bloody—" He cleared his throat. "So they probably would've…interrogated…your family if they'd been there."

"At the very least," said Hermione, who'd paled a bit. "No doubt the Death Eaters would've used them to get to me because they could use _me_ to get to Harry Potter."

"Thank God they're ok—and you too, of course! So then, after the war, you went to find them?"

"Yeah, right away—well actually a week after the Battle of Hogwarts. I, uh, I wanted to wait until after all of the funerals…Ron and Harry and Ginny went with me, which was great of them."

"Must've been a pleasant vacation after all you'd gone through."

"I wish," Hermione snorted. "When I modified their memories I sent them to Australia, but I wasn't any more specific than that in case the Death Eaters captured me. I didn't want them to be able to find my parents even if—even if I told them. So…" Hermione took a deep breath. "So we went to Australia and it was a couple weeks before we even got a lead. And when we found them we practically had to kidnap them which was…well, that was difficult on us and them."

"I bet," Lee soothed, his voice softened. "Were you able to undo your enchantments?"

"Not easily," sighed Hermione. "The type of memory charms I used required a few potions to reverse the effects and, well, my mum wasn't in any shape to take potions."

Lee was confused. "Any shape?"

Hermione smiled. "I'm going to be a big sister! My mum's pregnant. See with their new identities they didn't have any kids and, well, my mum and dad always did want kids…there's no memory charm that could erase that." Hermione chuckled and held her stomach. "It's great, really great. I'm excited!"

"So how did you reverse the charms?"

"Well fixing Dad was pretty easy. He remembered me right away, and when I explained what had happened and why I changed their memories, he understood. So he kept my mum calm while we tried to figure out how to help her." Hermione smiled into her lap, where her hands were folded but shaking a tiny bit. "Harry, Ron, Ginny and I must've read a _hundred_ books before we came up with an incantation. It was risky, but Dad and I agreed that Mum would want us to try. So, Ron—he's great—he volunteered to be the guinea pig and after we tried it on him and it worked, we did it on Mum. She's fine!"

"_Whew_!" Lee exhaled. "Risky! See, Hermione, you're creating new magic spells so why should you spend another year learning the old ones?"

Hermione swatted him on the knee. "Oh, hush."

"So when is your little brother or sister due?"

"Brother. He'll be joining us around Thanksgiving."

"And what are your parents naming him?"

Hermione grinned. "Actually, they're letting me pick the name! I have a couple in mind: either Remus Fred or Fred Remus…I can't decide…Maybe Neville Fred Remus Granger…That has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

**Mischief Managed**

(but will be continued)


	3. Ron Weasley

**Afternoon Tea with Lee**

PenPatronus

Chapter 3 / Episode #56:

**Ron Weasley**

On a rainy afternoon in autumn, a brooding quiet outside the Leaky Cauldron was interrupted by an Apparition _pop _from an overflowing dumpster. A layer of dirty napkins, half-eaten scones and soiled diapers spilled onto the cobblestones, revealing a disgruntled redhead with a banana peel wrapped around his neck like an attacking octopus.

"Bloody _bloody _hell!" Ron Weasley sputtered before he dove deeper into the garbage. He re-emerged a minute or two later cradling a broomstick. Trying to regain some amount of dignity, or at least composure, Ron used his Comet 800 to wipe the trash off his Quiddich practice robes, but only succeeded in staining them. "Bloody good thing this is wireless and not Muggle VT."

Ron marched into the Cauldron and yelled "Oi!" to the barkeeper. "Where did that bloody bin come from?"

The wizard behind the counter shrugged. "To fool the Muggles, Mr. Weasley! The city of London was a bit confused when it realized there was no trash route here. Would you like the usual? Or just a butterbeer?"

Ron waved the request aside and continued his march through the crowded room, his broom shouldered like a musket. "Maybe on my way back. I'm supposed to be at the Wheezes today for Lee's program."

"Oh, it's _you _they're waiting for?" the barkeep chuckled. He pointed at a wireless next to him on the counter. "'Afternoon Tea' started ten minutes ago, Mr. Weasley! You're late!"

Ron swore and broke into a jog. The moment he entered Diagon Alley he leapt onto his broom and flew over the crowds straight for Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. The shop was so busy that he didn't bother trying to go through the front door, but flew right up to the second story window. Inside the studio, Lee and George were talking animatedly into their wands. Ron waved and bounced, trying to get their attention and when he couldn't, he knocked.

Lee Jordan was so startled that he fell backwards right out of his chair. George, through roars of laughter, raised his wand and Vanished the glass window, and both Ron and the rain flew inside.

"Look who decided to grace us with his presence!" Lee grumbled as he climbed back into his seat. "I had to start the show without you, Ron, and the nearest celebrity was _this _git!"

"Like I said, you _should _just interview me," said George Weasley, propping his feet up on the round table. "I'm _much _more interesting."

"Blame Potter--" Ron started to say. But Lee grabbed his wand, enchanted it, and then gestured for Ron to start again. "_Blame Potter_!" Ron spat at the audience. "He called an emergency Quiddich practice because we've only trained for twelve hours this week! _Only_!"

"Let me guess, you're playing Slytherin this Saturday?"

George's nose crinkled. "Little brother, why do you smell like rubbish?"

"Apparition mishap," Ron grumbled. He Summoned a chair, sat down between George and Lee and shrugged off his outer robes. "Landed in a bloody fruit salad..."

Lee shook his head slowly back and forth. "That's right, wizards and witches, Ron Weasley, co-defeater of the Dark Lord, Apparated into a trash bin."

"Oh, shut it!"

"Wish you could see this, listeners. Tell them what they're missing, F - George!"

George winced, but recovered. "Well, Lee, today Mr. Weasley is modeling the hottest Hogwarts fashions. Under a layer of rainwater, mud and lettuce there appears to be some Hippogriff excrement..."

"Hagrid brought Buckbeak to 'cheer us on,'" Ron groaned. "And one of these rookie beaters of ours hit me with a bludger and sent me into a tailspin right into Buckbeak's, uh...well; actually it's kind of lucky it was there...and so _big_..."

"Well I'll leave you two to it," George said while Lee doubled over with laughter. George stood up to leave, but Ron suddenly grabbed the hem of his robes.

"Can you stay?" Ron whispered. He muffled his wand with the palm of his hand and turned on the doe eyes he'd recently perfected with Hermione. "Just sit here and pinch me if I make an ass of myself?"

George chuckled, "Sure," and at back down. "But you do realize you'll be black and blue by the end?"

"Ok, let's start this over and do it right." Lee cleared his throat. "Joining us today on 'Afternoon Tea with Lee' is Mr. Ronald Weasley who, as we all know, journeyed with Harry Potter on the Horcrux quest. How ya doing today, Ron?"

"Uh..." Ron went deep into thought and didn't stay there very long. "Good...?"

George pinched him.

"_OUCH_! Fine, Lee, I'm _fine_. And you?"

"Just dandy," Lee chuckled. "You want to hear something bizarre, Ron? I've gotten more fan mail for you than I did for Harry!"

"Oh you stud, you," George teased.

"Fan mail?" Ron gaped. "_Why_?"

"Well, haven't you been reading the articles in the _Prophet_?" Lee flipped through some parchment on the table between them. "People are almost more interested in blokes like you and Neville Longbottom because, well, you're so _ordinary_!"

"Ordinary?" Ron wasn't sure if he should feel insulted.

"Well, you know...Harry Potter is the Chosen One and all, Hermione Granger's Muggle-born and a certified _genius_, and then there's you! Ron Weasley: average, normal bloke. There are no prophecies about you, there's nothing remarkable or special-"

"This is just great for my self-esteem, Lee, thanks."

"I'm saying, Ron, that there's nothing special about you but nonetheless, you helped take down the darkest wizard in history! People who don't feel like _they're _special can relate to you, because all you had in your arsenal was OWL level spells and bravery! You _are _a hero, you know that, right?"

Ron looked sheepishly from Lee to George. "Thanks, I guess."

"So, us normal blokes want to hear from you. Why don't you start by telling us what a typical day was like while you, Harry and Hermione were looking for the Horcruxes - that is, if there _was _a typical day?"

Ron sat fingering a stain on his shoulder from a blueberry muffin. "A typical day...Well, when I was actually _there_-"

"There?" George spoke up. "What do you mean _when _you were there? Weren't you with them the whole time?"

"Not the whole time," Ron mumbled. "I - we kind of got separated for a little while there around Christmas. I didn't mean for it to happen. I...I was upset and I left. I tried to go back right away but some Snatchers grabbed me."

"_You _were Snatched?" Lee exclaimed. "I haven't heard about that!"

Ron finally lifted his eyes from the stain. "You haven't heard because I haven't told anyone yet. And Harry and Hermione would never tell." Ron shook his head. "But I'll explain in my chapter of the book." George patted his brother on the shoulder.

"How's that book coming, Ron? Do you three have a title yet?"

Ron snorted. "Are you kidding? We can't even agree on a format! Plus Harry and I are busy with Quiddich and Hermione is _already _studying for the N.E.W.T's..."

"And when you're not playing and Hermione's not studying, you're snogging..."

George pinched Lee.

"Get him, Georgie. Yeah, Hermione and I had our first kiss on the last day of the war - is that poetic or what?"

"What did you do before you started the school year, Ron? Hermione told us about your vacation in Australia."

"_Vacation_? I haven't been on vacation since we visited Bill in Egypt! And that was so hot it didn't even count!"

"We were _this _close to locking Percy in a pyramid." George held up his thumb and forefinger an inch apart.

"Oh I'm sorry," Lee chuckled. "It really wasn't a vacation?"

"Absolutely not! And the quest for the Horcruxes wasn't a bloody camping trip! Speaking of...After we brought her mum and dad back from Australia, Hermione decided that she felt guilty about, well...let's just say we went on another quest."

George laughed at the word but Lee frowned. "Quest?"

Ron pinched his brother this time. "Ok, fancy word, granted. See, while we were looking for the Horcruxes we just lived in a tent in forests and on the outskirts of towns and such. We didn't have a lot of food so sometimes we kind of, uh, _borrowed _whatever we could find."

"This is so disappointing..." Lee said.

"The Golden Trio - common thieves!" said George.

"Shame, shame on you three!"

"The world's at stake and you decide not to starve? What would Mum say?"

"Oh shut _up_!" Ron sputtered. "Anyway, we left money but Hermione still felt bad so we retraced our steps and managed to find every windowsill and chicken coop we'd visited."

"Wait - wait," Lee sat up straighter in his chair. "You're saying you guys actually apologized to those people? What did they say?"

"Well, the wizard families didn't mind...they recognized us and were all 'glad we could help can we have your autograph?' and such...The Muggles mostly slammed the door in our face."

"Clearly you should've told them you'd saved their arses from the Dark Lord!" mused George.

"Ha ha. How's Hogwarts this year?" Lee asked. "I hear the Headmistress has her hands full!"

"Yeah," Ron said solemnly. "McGonagall's doing her best, but there's a lot of...tension. A lot to recover from. Some of the Muggle-borns' parents didn't let them come back and some of the castle wards keep malfunctioning. Even a few dementors are still on the loose in the Forbidden Forest! _Mental_...And then there are kids whose parents are in Azkaban because... because of us...they're not exactly our biggest fans since we testified in the Death Eater and Snatcher trials and all..."

"Yeah I suppose civil wars don't resolve overnight," Lee mused. "But you're all right? You're safe at Hogwarts?"

Ron shrugged. "Mostly. Once in awhile some idiot Slytherin will jump Harry, Neville, or me in the corridors but we all watch out for each other. It's ok. Huh, I swear...McGonagall has the staff go easy on Harry's assignments, lets him get away with murder...not literally, though!" he said into his wand. "All in all this has been the quietest year I've had since I was eleven!"

"Well let's hope it remains that way!" Lee said. "It's nice to have less fear and, you know, genocide. But tell us, Ron, as only you can. What is Harry Potter really like? People have him painted as a saint but he can't be _that _perfect!"

Ron took the insult personally. "Oh yes he can! Are you serious? Whether or not he believes it, he really does deserve all this - this admiration. I've known the bloke for eight years and I've never met anyone who's so sincere and good-hearted and unselfish - well, except my dad. And don't you start in on _him_!"

"You were just complaining about him working you too hard in Quiddich!"

"I'm allowed to complain about him, he's my best mate! _You're _not allowed!"

George chuckled at the fierceness in Ron and the startled fear in Lee.

"All right, all right, next question!" Lee surveyed his parchments, humming as he went. "All right, an Anonymous from Westminster wants to know what the scariest day of the war was for you?"

Ron snorted so loud that his hand slapped to his nose in pain. "Only one day? I have to narrow it down? Well..." Ron used his wand to scratch behind his ear before moving it back to his lips. "Well the Battle of Hogwarts was the worst, but it was all so quick and hectic that I really didn't have time to think while it was happening...I guess, oh..."

Lee and George and the WWN audience waited patiently.

"When we were in Malfoy Manor - have you heard this story?"

Lee said yes, but pointed out that not everyone in the audience had.

"Well this one time Harry, Hermione and I were captured and taken to the Malfoy's. Bellatrix Lestrange was there-"

"That was so _awesome _when your mum kicked her ass," Lee interrupted, his jaw hanging open with awe. "That was so _cool_!"

"I _know_! Golly...People wonder why we were so afraid of her when we were growing up - _OW_...! George, stop _pinching_! Anyway, Bellatrix was - was hurting Hermione and I - Harry and I couldn't help her. That was definitely the scariest...That was the _worst_. During the Battle of Hogwarts there were so many people around, so many bodies, but when it was her, and just me there - oh, oh _geeze _I almost forgot! Bloody _hell _when Hagrid was carrying Harry and Voldemort told us he was dead..." Ron's lips kept moving for a moment, but his voice was gone. He cleared his throat once, twice, and again. "Yeah that was pretty bad..."

"Sure was," Lee said. "I thought it was all over right then and there. Up until that moment I thought we had a shot and when I realized we'd lost Harry... I couldn't imagine that it could get any worse. Actually, come to think of it, it didn't! That was definitely the low point of - of everything!"

"Agreed," said George.

"And the hardest? What was the most difficult moment in the war for you, personally, Ron?"

"Well...that's kind of the same question, I guess, but the hardest thing for me to do was to destroy the locket Horcrux. It, well, it didn't go easily. I'll-"

"We know, we know - you'll explain it in the book. Good thing you saved Potter from drowning in that pool, Ron, or our low point would've come a lot earlier!" Lee glanced at his watch. "That's all for today. Next time we have you on the show, Ron, try to get here early, would you?"

"Next time? Oh, yeah, sure Lee...Oh, can I say one last thing?"

"Make it good, Weasley. We'll have to go out on it. Go ahead."

"Oh, all right...she's probably going to kill me for this..." Ron took a deep breath, grinned and shouted over the wireless "_I love you, Hermione Granger_!"

George smiled, and didn't pinch him.

**Mischief Managed**

(but will be continued)


End file.
